Midnight
by Randomperson121212
Summary: This is a parody of Twilight. One-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a parody of Twilght. Don't forget to REVIEW!!! Hope you like it!**

When I got to Forks, the first thought I had was, "Wow, this place is even more boring than I remember."

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It got even worse when I saw what Charlie had gotten me.

"What's this piece of crap," I asked, eyeing the old truck skeptically.

"I bought this off of my friend, Billy, for two dollars," he said, "remember him, Billy Blue?"

"That guy who ate all of the food out of our fridge?"

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It sure didn't get any better at school.

"Hey, you're Isabella Swan! I'm Mike Newton!"

"Um," I said, "WAIT! How did you know my name? Hey! Were you that guy looking in my window last night? You stalker!!!"

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"Hello," said this girl with an afro, "MY NAME IS JESSICA!!! Are you new? What is your name?"

"Um-"

"That's a nice name! I have a dog. His name is Waldo! I'm allergic to peanuts!"

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At lunch, as Jessica was saying something to me, I saw a group of students come in. They had pale white skin, black eyes, and they were all really hot. It looked like someone had carved them out of a really sexy rock, and then brought them to life like Frosty the Snowman by singing a little jingle.

"And then, when my cousin and I were in Mexico, we-"

"Jessica," I interrupted, "who are those people?"

"Those, those are the Cullens. They are really weird, they don't talk to anyone, and one time that Jasper kid started to sniff my face and then asked if I tasted good. Edward Cullen, the one on the left, he, like, so wanted to date me, but I turned him down. Well, I never asked him, but you could so tell that he liked me."

I stared at Edward, and then he stared at me, and then I sneezed.

"Gazoontite," he yelled from across the room.

"Thanks," I yelled back.

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At biology, I sat next to Edward. He looked like he was choking.

"What's with the attitude," I asked, "aren't you going to say hello?"

"Can't… breathe… allergic… to… strawberries…" he choked.

"Oh, you must be smelling my shampoo. It's strawberry scented. Do you like it?"

"NURSE," he was starting to turn a pretty shade of purple. It went nice with his shirt. The nurse came and carried him out of the room on a stretcher.

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The next day, I did not see him. Or the next day, or the next day, or the day after that. The day after that day I thought I saw him, but it turns out that was just an old lady. A little while later, he came to school.

"Where did you go? You were gone! WHY?" I asked him the moment he sat down next to me in biology.

"I went on vacation to the Bahamas. On Paradise Island, Atlantis. They have this really awesome waterslide, and it is forty FEET steep, and then you go into this see-through tube surrounded by SHARKS! My brother, Emmett, was to scared to go on it, but I went on it and it was SO FUN!!!"

"DID YOU BRING ME BACK SOMETHING!!!"

"Yes!"

He handed me a plastic cup that said, "ATLANTIS," and on the other side it said, "Paradise Island, Bahamas." It even had a built-in crazy straw. Awesome!

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The next day, when I got to school, there were some kids playing football. Someone threw it too hard. It was coming strait at me.

"AHHHHHH," I screamed.

Suddenly, Edward jumped in front of me and pushed me a whole two inches back. Then he caught the football.

"How did you do that," I asked.

"Um, I didn't do anything," he mumbled and then walked away.

Okay, that was pretty strange.

On the way home from school, I saw Jacob Blue, Billy Blue's son. He had on a blue shirt, blue pants, and blue shoes. He had blue eyes, blue hair, and a blue tongue.

"Hey, how did you get your tongue to turn blue," I asked.

"Oh, I just finished eating a blue raspberry popsicle. Is it really blue? Cool!"

"Then why isn't the truck your dad sold to Charlie blue? Why is it orange?"

"Because," he said matter-o-factly, "orange is my favorite color."

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A week later, Edward called to ask if I wanted to hang out. A little while later I heard the doorbell ring.

"Hey, Bella!"

"Hi, Edward! Come on, let's go."

He said he wanted to show me his secret hang out spot. It was behind some trees in his backyard. There was some grass, a tree house with a slide, and a sandbox.

"Cool, can I go in the tree house," I asked.

"No, you can't, read the sign. 'No girls allowed'."

"Aw."

I followed Edward to the sandbox, where we sat down on the edge.

"Edward, I'm still thinking about what happened when you caught the football. You're not normal. I know what you are."

"Say it. Say it out loud."

"Um, if I didn't say it out loud, then it would just be in my head, and you wouldn't be able to hear me, so what is the point?"

"Just say it, Bella."

"Michael Jackson."

"Are you afraid?"

"Nope."

"But you should be! Here, you have to see what I look like in the sunlight! Follow me!" I followed him to a spot where the sun leaked through the trees. He stepped in the light.

"This is the skin of someone who has had surgery way too many times."

"You look exactly the same," I said.

"No, look closer."

I did.

"I still don't see anything."

"No, closer!"

"I don't see anything."

"Oh, just forget it. Anyways, tonight my family and I are playing baseball. Do you want to come?"

"Sure!"

That night, I was watching the Cullens play baseball when somebody came. He had no shirt on, and had long, blonde hair that billowed in the breeze.

"My name is James. Oh, what's this, it looks like you brought a snack," he said, looking at me.

The Snickers bar in my pocket suddenly felt a hundred times heavier.

"This is mine," I said.

"It looks like we will have to settle this with a game of rock, paper, scissors, shoot." He stepped forward, his eyes still on the Snickers in my pocket.

The fate of my Snickers bar depended on this on game.

He held out his hand.

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!" He had paper and I had scissors. Yes!

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!"

I got rock and he got paper. I had to win the last one, or else.

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!"

Oh, no! I got scissors and he got rock! I reluctantly handed over my Snickers bar. He unwrapped it and took a bite out of it.

"NOOOOOO," shouted Edward. He lunged at the James. James dropped the Snickers bar.

I picked it up and said, "Ten second rule."

But wait, oh no, James got his germs on it! What would I do now?

"I have a solution," said Carlisle, breaking off the part James bit. Now it was germ free.

"Thanks!"

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Later that night, I talked to Edward.

"Oh, look, it's midnight," he said, "I really hate midnight. It not 12:00 am or 12:00 pm, it's just 12:00 midnight. What is with that?"

"Edward, I love you, and I want to be like you."

"No, Bella, do you know how many surgeries that would take? You can't, you should live a normal life."

"But I want to be with you."

"No."

**The end! **

**P.S.- Did you know that reviewing will make you a better citizen?**


	2. Sequel PLEASE READ

**Well, I just found out that Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest. It's hard to believe, but yes, it's true. The reason why I am posting this is because I was in the middle of writing the sequel. Some people might find it offensive to write about him like that now that he's dead, and I don't want to upset anybody. So, I have decided to postpone the sequel, _New Shoes_, until I hear what you guys have to think. Should I still continue it? Please tell me.**


	3. Okay

**Okay peoples, I'll finish writing the sequel. I just wanted to make sure people wouldn't freak out when I posted the story. So... yeah. :P**


	4. Deleted Scenes

**Okay, so you all know I'm going to write the sequel. But, I haven't been able to think of anything funny, and I just haven't felt like writing it. Sorry.**

**But, I do have some deleted "scenes", either I didn't feel it was necessary to put in my story, or I came up with it after I published it. I have the scene where Bella has the dream thing, you know, and the scene in Port Angeles, and just some random part where Edward explains some things. So... enjooooooyyy!**

**I do not own Twilight, or the song "Thriller", by Michael Jackson.  
**

I looked around the forest, aware that I was dreaming. I could hear the waves crashing among the rocks. If I found the ocean, I would be able to see the sun. Walking towards the direction I thought the ocean was, I suddenly saw Jacob Blue next to me, pulling on my hand.

"Come on, Bella! It's not safe here!"

Then Mike Newton was there, "Bella, come on!"

"Wait, why are you here?" I asked, getting confused.

But then Jacob started to shake, and he turned into a puppy!

"Aw, your such a cute puppy!" I said, scratching his ear.

But then I started to hear the faint music of a very familiar song, and I saw Edward come out from the trees.

_Cause this is thriller, thriller night_

_And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike_

_You know it's thriller, thriller night_

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight_

Edward, he was singing, and dancing, just like Michael Jackson!

Jacob the puppy started to growl, and then he jumped on Edward's leg.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" I screamed, sitting upright in my bed.

"Oh, it was just a dream."

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Today, Angela, Jessica and I were going to the park. When we got there, they said they wanted to get some ice cream. I, on the other hand, was full. So, I decided to take a walk.

I walked by a guy at a balloon stand, holding a couple of balloons in his hand.

"Hello young lady," he said, "would you like a ballo-"

"ZOMG A RAPIST!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. People turned and stared at me.

"BELLA, I'VE COME TO SAVE YOU!" Edward jumped out from behind a tree and tackled the man.

"EDWARD, MY HERO!" I said, still screaming.

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"So," I said to Edward, "you're really Michael Jackson."

"Yup."

"So… what about the rest of your family?"

"Well," said Edward, "Carlisle is my plastic surgeon. Rosalie is really Brittany Spears, and Alice is actually Lindsay Lohan. You don't even want to know who Emmett is. We have to move a lot, or else the paparazzi will find us."

**Okay, so yeah. Tell me if you liked them, or if they deserved to be in the story!**


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